With Love Comes Pain
by Laura Kenobi
Summary: When a mission goes dreadfully wrong, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn must deal with the possibility of loosing his Padawan Learner…
1. Chapter 1

**With Love Comes Pain **

**Author:** Laura Kenobi

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately for me, I don't own Star Wars. I do, however, own any original characters, planets, etcetera that I created for this story.

**Archive:** Please contact me first!

**Comments/Reviews:** You can email me through my profile, and you can always leave a review!

**Author's Notes:** ((_italics_)) represents thoughts and "/ _italics_ /" represents communication through the Force.

This story was first published in its original version on July 17, 2001. In July 2005, I decided that since four years had passed and my skills as a writer had undoubtedly improved since this story was first written and posted, it might be refreshing to return to this story and give it a fresh look and an update. For the most part the overall story remains the same - my goal has been to improve on and expand on the original, so I hope the result will prove enjoyable to all of you who are wonderful enough to read and review. The version of this story below is the updated version. Call it the "Special Edition" version of this story.

**Summary:** When a mission goes dreadfully wrong, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn must deal with the possibility of loosing his Padawan Learner...

_**Chapter One**_

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"Get to the ship, Master! I'm right behind you!"

Qui-Gon Jinn could barely hear his sixteen-year-old Padawan Learner. Obi-Wan's voice, despite its raised tone, was drowned out by the sounds of the building exploding around the two Jedi.

With a quick turn of his head, he saw that Obi-Wan was truly directly behind him, running as fast as his young legs could carry him to keep up with his Master's long strides.

Fire burned all around them, making it increasingly difficult to take in a breath. Qui-Gon could not remember a time he had ever sweated so much. He was soaking wet, yet terribly hot.

Their peaceful negotiations had taken a turn for the worse; protestors had taken matters into their own hands and the building had been set ablaze. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had managed to get everyone out of the building, but the only exit at the north end of the building had collapsed just as the two Jedi had realized everyone was safe and were preparing to leave.

They had quickly decided to try and get to their ship on the east end of the building. Qui-Gon was beginning to wonder if they should reconsider and find another way to escape this carnage.

The Jedi Master could feel his Padawan's anxiety through their bond in the Force, and shouted directions to him.

"Stay close, Obi-Wan! Keep your senses alert!"

If Obi-Wan said something in return, Qui-Gon couldn't hear it. There was a sudden increase in noise, and the world seemed to begin collapsing from all directions. Turning around to make sure Obi-Wan was still behind him, Qui-Gon raced into the ship, and closed the boarding ramp. Yelling for his Padawan to take a seat, he guided the ship out of the hanger and into the air. Turning slightly to tell Obi-Wan to make sure he was strapped in, Qui-Gon stopped short.

Obi-Wan was nowhere in sight. A quick scan with the Force confirmed Qui-Gon's greatest fear.

His Padawan was still down in the burning building.

--------------------

Obi-Wan Kenobi whirled around just in time to see Qui-Gon lift the ship and pilot it out of the hanger. Fear knifed into his mind, but he forced his racing heart to remain steady. Qui-Gon must have thought that his Padawan was still behind him.

In fact, Obi-Wan had been forced to stop to avoid being crushed – just a few feet away from the ramp and safety. Mentally swearing at himself in every language he knew, Obi-Wan quickly took in his surroundings. The hanger was blazing with flames, billowing smoke, and dropping burning debris from the ceiling all around him at every opportunity. Obi-Wan was furious at himself for getting into such a potentially deadly situation.

((_Sith, Kenobi...what a wonderful mess you've gotten yourself into. Now how to get out of here..._))

Pulling on the Force like a lifeline, the young man stumbled through the scorching hanger, coughing and gagging from the smoke. ((_There must be a door or window somewhere..._))

But he had no more time to search. The building could withstand no more, and it collapsed on top of the young Jedi. Obi-Wan felt him a moment of excruciating pain and then plunging into blissful darkness.

--------------------

Horrified beyond his wildest imagination, Qui-Gon Jinn watched as the building collapsed in one cruel, slow motion, crushing his apprentice. His son.

"_Obi-Wan_!"

The scream tore from his throat before he could stop himself. He felt a moment of intense pain from his Padawan, and then nothing. Alarm and anguish pulsed through his veins with the force of an erupting volcano. "No! Obi-Wan..."

His next course of action came to the Jedi Master quickly. He would go down and find Obi-Wan. There was no other option; he could not leave his apprentice.

He rushed to the comm unit and dialed for the Temple healers. As the face of his longtime friend, Kitla Mooral, a tall, lean human with elegant silver hair and eyes to match, appeared on the screen, words poured from his mouth.

"Kitla, I need you to be ready to accept a patient that is in the most serious of critical conditions. We will be to the Temple in twenty-four hours."

She nodded, used to Qui-Gon's no-nonsense attitude.

"Who is it that needs this attention, Qui-Gon?"

She knew the answer before he told her. "Obi-Wan."

Unfortunately, the healers at the temple saw Obi-Wan so often that they knew him quite well. Kitla was Obi-Wan's usual healer. She nodded again.

"We will be ready for him. May the Force be with you." She quickly cut the connection and began preparation for Obi-Wan's arrival.

"I'm coming, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon murmured under his breath as he gathered a few medical supplies. "Don't worry... I'm coming."

--------------------

Pain. White-hot, blinding pain.

Obi-Wan was only aware of the pain that coursed through his entire body – from his toes to his eyeballs. He could not think clearly, he could not see at all, and he certainly could not move. He felt broken. There was a steady pressure on top of him, and from all sides. Trying to reach the Force through the pain, he sent out the strongest call for help that he could muster, only to realize it wasn't even strong enough to reach his Master.

((_Great job, Kenobi. Now you've gone and gotten yourself crushed. A fine Jedi you'll make..._))

He couldn't think clearly. All he could do was wait. Wait and let the Force decide his fate. He was not scared of death... he only wondered why it was so elusive. The pain coursing through his body was becoming steadily more intolerable.

After what seemed to the young Jedi like a lifetime, he felt the pressure on top of him lessen, and light pierced into his already pounding head, causing him to cry out in pain. He tried to turn to avoid the light, but his entire body exploded with pain and he couldn't hold back a cry of surprise and pain. ((_Gods, it hurts..._))

A quiet, recognizable voice brought him back to the present, although not completely.

"Padawan, if you can hear me do not try and move."

He could only groan in agreement.

"The building collapsed on you. Do _not_ move." Qui-Gon's voice was laced tight with concern, and Obi-Wan wondered what he looked like. Was he bleeding? Was he burned? Was he missing a limb? From the pain he felt, he decided anything was possible and groaned again, this time with a hint of despair.

"Obi-Wan, I am going to move you to the ship. I'll be as gentle as possible, but there will be pain. You need to see the Temple healers."

((_There's the biggest understatement of the year..._))

Obi-Wan had his eyes squeezed shut. He wasn't sure if the pain could get any worse.

As Qui-Gon used his strong arms and the Force to move his Padawan, Obi-Wan knew the pain could get worse. It _was_ worse. He heard someone screaming, and realized he was crying out. As he felt himself being lowered onto something, the pain became too much for him to handle and he let himself fall into blissful unconsciousness.

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End Chapter 1.

This is the first of about 3 or 4 chapters. Please review! I'll post a new chapter every-other day; let me know in your review if you would like me to email you when I post a new chapter (make sure to leave your email address or leave a signed review). Thanks so much for reading! - Laura


	2. Chapter 2

**With Love Comes Pain **

**Author:** Laura Kenobi

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately for me, I don't own Star Wars. I do, however, own any original characters, planets, etcetera that I created for this story.

**Archive:** Please contact me first!

**Comments/Reviews:** You can email me through my profile, and you can always leave a review!

**Author's Notes:** ((_italics_)) represents thoughts and "/ _italics_ /" represents communication through the Force.

This story was first published in its original version on July 17, 2001. In July 2005, I decided that since four years had passed and my skills as a writer had undoubtedly improved since this story was first written and posted, it might be refreshing to return to this story and give it a fresh look and an update. For the most part the overall story remains the same - my goal has been to improve on and expand on the original, so I hope the result will prove enjoyable to all of you who are wonderful enough to read and review. The version of this story below is the updated version. Call it the "Special Edition" version of this story.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! It's been great! As promised, here is chapter two! Enjoy!

**Summary:** When a mission goes dreadfully wrong, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn must deal with the possibility of loosing his Padawan Learner...

**_Chapter Two_**

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Qui-Gon Jinn was usually a very patient man. It was part of his personality, as well as his training as a Jedi.

Not today.

His apprentice had been in the emergency surgical unit for almost twenty hours. There had been no sound, not movement, no nothing from the unit since the procedure had started. No indication of Obi-Wan's condition.

The healers had rushed the Padawan into surgery as soon as Qui-Gon had landed the ship. All Qui-Gon had heard was "we'll take care of him". Kitla was one of his best friends and one of the best healers in the Temple, but he couldn't help his worry. In every way that matters, Obi-Wan was his son. His _son_ was in there, severely injured, and he could do nothing but sit and wait. He reached out through the Force, trying to assess his Padawan's condition.

Suddenly, for the first time since they had arrived, a healer apprentice came out of the room. She was practically running. Qui-Gon thought he was going to be sick.

She was covered in blood.

He could tell she was going to try and avoid him, so he leapt to his feet and strode directly into her path. She crashed into him, and he grabbed her arm.

"How is he?" Drilling the healer apprentice with an icy blue stare, he demanded an answer. The young woman was visibly shaken, taken aback by the towering Jedi Master.

"N-not too g-good, Master Jinn. We are doing all we can. M-Master Mooral will come to... to discuss the situation as s-soon as she can."

Knowing she had told him the truth, and also knowing that he was frightening her, Qui-Gon nodded slightly and released her.

Looking down, he noticed that some of the blood from her tunic had transferred to his as she collided with him. Something about seeing his Padawan's blood in this way drained the Jedi Master. He resumed his seat and waited.

And waited...

And waited...

And waited...

Finally, when Qui-Gon was beginning to feel that he could be kept in the dark no longer, Master Kitla Mooral came walking slowly out of the unit, followed by the rest of the operating team. Nausea swept through Qui-Gon as he noticed with a pale face that every single one had blood on his or her tunic. He leapt to his feet stepping up to Kitla and forcing her to look into his anguished eyes.

"Tell me." There was a dread in his voice that left no room for argument. She sighed.

"Qui-Gon... he isn't doing well. His internal injuries are some of the worst I've ever seen. Although we fixed him up as best as we could..." she trailed off and Qui-Gon noticed tears in her eyes. His heart constricted in pain.

"Be specific. I want to know all of his injuries."

She wanted to argue with him, he could tell, but instead she took a deep breath and began.

"His left leg is severely fractured, and his left arm is broken, although not to the same extent as his leg. The left side of his body is where we found the most damage. Multiple internal injuries. We postulate that whatever crushed him landed one his left side first, or in some other way it hit him hardest there."

With every word she spoke Qui-Gon felt more and more helpless.

"He has a serious concussion from a blow to the left side of his head... he isn't responding to anything. His eyes will sometimes open but it is clear that he is not really seeing. He is in a coma-like state, and from what we can tell he is in considerable pain."

The healer took a seep, steadying breath, and Qui-Gon couldn't breathe. Then she spoke the words he dreaded most.

"We're not sure how much longer he can stay alive, Qui-Gon. I want you to consider the fact that he is in terrible pain, and that he may never wake up. Many things I believe should be left to the Force, but..." Her words were tight with sadness.

"You want me to decide if we should take him off of your support and just let him die." Qui-Gon's heart shattered with his words. Why? Why was this happening to his apprentice? Obi-Wan did not deserve such a terrible fate. He was the most wonderful young man Qui-Gon knew. Kind beyond imagination and completely selfless. So eager to learn and so willing to help...

"I-I'm so sorry, my friend..." Kitla Mooral felt Qui-Gon's pain as she looked at her tall friend, "I've done all I can."

"I know." He did understand, but he couldn't express his emotions in words.

"Why don't you go see him? You don't need to decide anything right now. Perhaps he will be able to feel your presence."

Qui-Gon could barely nod. As he entered the room where his Padawan lay, he could barely stay on his feet. Obi-Wan looked so pale and weak.

Taking a seat beside the bed, Qui-Gon noticed that Obi-Wan's eyes were closed. There were tubes and other medical devices all over the place. A machine was forcing every part of the young Jedi's body to work. The tall Jedi Master choked softly on his breath.

((_Why? Tell me why..._))

--------------------

Obi-Wan couldn't feel the pain anymore. Actually, he noticed with surprise, he couldn't really feel anything. Opening his eyes slowly he took in his surroundings.

He was sitting in room – but was it really a room? It was foggy, and deathly silent.

((_Am I dead? Where is Qui-Gon?_))

Thoughts whirled around in the young Jedi's head. He assumed he wasn't dead... he had been told all his life that when he died many past Jedi would greet him, and there were no Jedi here.

((_Should I be relieved or scared? Where am I? Master..._))

Reaching out into the Force, he searched the man that had become as dear to him as a father. The older man's presence was very far away.

Groaning, Obi-Wan tried to imagine what Qui-Gon would tell him to do. Qui-Gon always had the answer.

((_"Focus, Padawan. The future is always in motion. Make it work to your advantage. Use the Force..."_))

Suddenly determined by the memory of his Master's voice, Obi-Wan began to search for a way back to Qui-Gon.

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End Chapter 2.

Thanks for reading! Please review! If you want me to email you when the next chapter is posted just leave your email address or sign your review! Thanks again! - Laura


	3. Chapter 3

**With Love Comes Pain **

**Author:** Laura Kenobi

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately for me, I don't own Star Wars. I do, however, own any original characters, planets, etcetera that I created for this story.

**Archive:** Please contact me first!

**Comments/Reviews:** You can email me through my profile, and you can always leave a review!

**Author's Notes:** ((_italics_)) represents thoughts and "/ _italics_ /" represents communication through the Force.

This story was first published in its original version on July 17, 2001. In July 2005, I decided that since four years had passed and my skills as a writer had undoubtedly improved since this story was first written and posted, it might be refreshing to return to this story and give it a fresh look and an update. For the most part the overall story remains the same - my goal has been to improve on and expand on the original, so I hope the result will prove enjoyable to all of you who are wonderful enough to read and review. The version of this story below is the updated version. Call it the "Special Edition" version of this story.

Here's chapter 3! I hope you're enjoying the story so far – thank you for all the reviews! They get me smiling every time!

**Summary:** When a mission goes dreadfully wrong, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn must deal with the possibility of loosing his Padawan Learner...

**_Chapter Three_**

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Qui-Gon was overcome with grief. It stabbed into his soul like a vibro-ax. There were so many things he had left unsaid. He had taken Obi-Wan for granted, assumed that he could "tell Obi-Wan tomorrow". Now he might never be able to let his apprentice know everything he had ever wanted to tell him...

"Oh, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon's voice was little more than a whisper, "I'm so sorry. There are so many things I need to tell you. I have been a fool. I took you for granted, and now I'll never have the chance to tell you..."

Soft tears fell from his clear blue eyes, he reached over and took one of his Obi-Wan's small hands is both of his large ones.

"I love you Obi-Wan. You are the closest thing I've ever had to a son. You mean so much more to me than you will ever know..."

His tears increased, and for a moment he could not speak. He fought to control his raging emotions.

"I should have told you, but because I failed to do so I have to say the words to a crushed body. I let my pride get the best of me Padawan. I know you sometimes doubt yourself because I do not praise very much. I don't let you feel the love and pride that swells within me whenever you are near. You have absolutely no reason to doubt yourself, my Obi-Wan. You are the best Padawan – the best son – I could ever ask for. I can't believe I even have to consider going on without you."

Lowering his head to rest on his Padawan's small hand, he continued.

"You are very confident, brave, and kind. Although your selfless nature often landed you in trouble, I would not trade it for anything. You are so wonderful, Obi-Wan… don't leave me... please...

He couldn't control his emotions. With a quiet sob, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn let himself cry, as he hadn't done since he was a Padawan himself.

--------------------

"… _pride… Padawan…doubt …love… Obi-Wan… son… without you…don't leave me… Obi-Wan…"_

Obi-Wan was straining to keep the sound of his Master's voice close. What was he talking about? The pain in the elder Jedi's words was clear and surprised the young Jedi.

Qui-Gon never spoke much. They would have light conversations from time to time, but the tall Jedi Master was equally as effective physically as he was orally, so he did not talk as much as Obi-Wan might like. Dispite his quietness, Obi-Wan had come to care more for Qui-Gon than he had ever imagined. In his mind Qui-Gon Jinn was the best Jedi who had ever lived.

Obi-Wan could only hear bits and pieces of his Master's soft dialogue. He strained to try and discern his Master's words.

Suddenly, Obi-Wan heard a sound he had never heard before. A sound that struck fear and pain into his very soul.

The sound of his Master's soft crying echoed through Obi-Wan like a tidal wave.

((_Why is he crying? He needs me..._))

The thought was like the crack of a whip. With all of his strength, Obi-Wan reached out to the presence that was Qui-Gon Jinn.

--------------------

"Please, Obi-Wan... come back..."

Qui-Gon, in his most un-Jedi-like manner, murmured incoherently to his Padawan until his sobs subsided. Straightening in his chair, the tall Master turned tear-swollen eyes to Obi-Wan's pale face.

Suddenly, the monitors changed slightly. Qui-Gon twisted around to glance at the digital chart on the wall behind him

When he turned his attention back to Obi-Wan's face his apprentice was gazing back at him.

"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon could not tell if the young man was really seeing or if this was what Kitla had mentioned. His heart began to pound uncontrollably within his chest.

There was no answer. Obi-Wan had a tube down his throat that was forcing air into his lungs, so Qui-Gon realized he couldn't speak even if he _had_ understood.

"Padawan, can you understand me?" An overwhelming hope was eating its way into Qui-Gon's mind, but he tried to restrain it, knowing that if it was false hope the pain would be unbearable, "Blink once for yes, twice for no."

Obi-Wan blinked once.

Delight filled Qui-Gon so quickly he thought he would surely drown in it.

"Oh, Obi-Wan... let me call Kitla..."

Reaching over, he pressed down the button that would bring Kitla into Obi-Wan's room as fast as possible. Turning back to Obi-Wan, he could see a slight panic in his Padawan's eyes.

"It's okay Padawan... she is your usual healer, remember? She's here to help you. I will not leave your side."

There was a confirmation with one blink.

There were tears in Qui-Gon's eyes again. He noticed the questions in his Padawan's eyes, and started to explain.

"I though I had lost you Padawan... I'm so happy..."

Kitla Mooral came rushing into the room and stopped dead when she saw Obi-Wan.

"Qui-Gon... what..."

"He is alert. He just woke up and could understand me." Questions whirled in both Masters' minds.

Obi-Wan suddenly tried to speak, as though to explain, and he began to gag convulsively on the tube in his throat. Qui-Gon saw the flame of panic in his eyes again.

Kitla was at his side in an instant.

"Just lie still, Kenobi. Lie still..."

Following her orders, Obi-Wan stopped struggling, and the gagging subsided. The panic in his eyes died away slowly and he turned his eyes to Qui-Gon's face.

"Don't try to speak, Padawan. You can explain later."

One blink.

Kitla ran many tests, but could not account for Obi-Wan's sudden improvement.

"It must have been somehow his doing. There is no medical explanation for this." Qui-Gon had never felt so relieved.

As if sensing his relief, Master Mooral continued. "Although he is now awake he is still in very serious condition. I think I can fix some of his brain damage if he will allow me in, but I need to have open access to his mind."

"You're a mind healer?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I can repair physical damage, but I do not heal souls."

"He needs to open up completely?" Qui-Gon felt a twinge of guilt. He had never allowed himself to open up completely to Obi-Wan, and realized he was not sure if Obi-Wan had ever truly opened up to him.

"How long will this procedure take? Will I be allowed to stay here?" Qui-Gon continued, his voice anxious.

"Yes, he will need to open up completely to me. I cannot say how long it will take. Many hours, possibly. You may stay if you wish, but I must warn you, this kind of thing is never pretty."

There was a strangling noise from the bed where Obi-Wan lay.

"What do you say, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon's voice was soft and encouraging.

Obi-Wan's eyes squinted, and Qui-Gon smiled as he realized his Padawan was trying to tell him that he wasn't sure.

Suddenly, to his greatest joy, Obi-Wan spoke to him through the bond that they shared.

/ _Master... I-I'm not sure. I've never... _/

/ _If it helps any, Padawan, I would trust Healer Mooral with my life. And with yours._ /

There was a momentary flash of uncertainty from the young man, and then a resolution.

/ _Then I trust her also. Okay._ /

Qui-Gon was amazed at how suddenly his Padawan accepted his word. Did his apprentice trust him so much?

The answer came as Obi-Wan dropped all his mental shields, slowly, and Kitla removed some of the tubes to begin the procedure - searching for damaged cells in his brain.

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End Chapter 3.

Thanks for reading, and may the Force be with you! I love reviews! - Laura


	4. Chapter 4

**With Love Comes Pain**

**Author:** Laura Kenobi

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately for me, I don't own Star Wars. I do, however, own any original characters, planets, etcetera that I created for this story.

**Archive:** Please contact me first!

**Comments/Reviews:** You can email me through my profile, and you can always leave a review!

**Author's Notes:** ((_italics_)) represents thoughts and "/ _italics_ /" represents communication through the Force.

This story was first published in its original version on July 17, 2001. In July 2005, I decided that since four years had passed and my skills as a writer had undoubtedly improved since this story was first written and posted, it might be refreshing to return to this story and give it a fresh look and an update. For the most part the overall story remains the same - my goal has been to improve on and expand on the original, so I hope the result will prove enjoyable to all of you who are wonderful enough to read and review. The version of this story below is the updated version. Call it the "Special Edition" version of this story.

Here's another chapter! Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing - I really appreciate it! I live off of your feedback! Thank you!

**Summary:** When a mission goes dreadfully wrong, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn must deal with the possibility of loosing his Padawan Learner...

**_Chapter Four_**

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Qui-Gon was sure his heart, his soul, could take no more. As soon as Kitla had begun healing Obi-Wan's brain, the young man's body had been tossing in agony. Cries tore from his lips when he could not stop them, and he was covered in a cold sweat. Qui-Gon gripped one of his Padawan's hands, and it was cold. Pain rippled through the force so strongly Qui-Gon could almost feel it physically.

"I'm here, Obi-Wan. I'm here."

He continued to speak soothingly to his Padawan as the procedure continued. He knew Obi-Wan could hear him, and he also knew that the young man's cries were ebbing away slowly...

Suddenly, Obi-Wan's body gave a massive shudder and agonizing screams tore from the young Jedi's lips.

"Nooooooooooooo... please... oh, Force..."

Qui-Gon was alarmed. Was this normal? He had promised the healer he would not interrupt the procedure, so he kept his questions to himself. Holding his apprentice's hand firmly, Qui-Gon moved to cradle Obi-Wan's frail body in his arms.

Tears were streaming down Obi-Wan's face, making him look even more pale and sick than he really was. Qui-Gon's heart wrenched forcefully.

"Master... hurts Master... please... stop... hurts..." Obi-Wan's eyes cleared momentarily and he pleaded with Qui-Gon for a moment before he slipped away again.

"It'll be over soon, my son. Shhhhhh..." Qui-Gon was trying his best to comfort his hurting apprentice, but Obi-Wan was far from comfort now.

Abruptly his cries intensified and his face contorted in pain. Qui-Gon was sure his heart was going to shatter into a thousand pieces. He held onto the young man, asking the Force to help his Padawan.

--------------------

Obi-Wan wasn't sure what was going on. He was back in the strange foggy room.

Something in the back of his mind told him that he was in pain, but he could feel nothing. He had opened up his mind to the healer and expected the worst, but instead here he was. He had no idea what to think.

"I see you are confused."

Obi-Wan turned to face the voice that had spoken to him out of the mist. He could not see anything.

"Who's there?"

"I am not in material form, so do not strain your eyes looking for me. My name is Leila Sarigo. I was a Jedi Master."

Obi-Wan's heart clenched. Past Jedi! He was dying! Everything he had told himself about not fearing death was suddenly gone.

"Master... I don't want to die... are you here to take me into the Force?"

Obi-Wan felt the ripples of laughter through the Force. "The decision, young Obi-Wan, is yours. I have been sent here to give you your choices."

"C-choices? I don't understand..."

"Your first choice is to come with me. To become one with the Force. This choice is painless, even blissful, I recall." Obi-Wan contemplated this choice as the spirit of the Jedi Master continued. "Your alternate choice is to return to life. I imagine you remember what that feels like."

Obi-Wan remembered all too well. Pain.

"Your life as it could be if you become one with the Force is blissful beyond the imagination of the living. You must decide if what you have in life is worth returning to," There was a slight pause, "The choice is entirely yours."

Obi-Wan felt torn. He could imagine what the life of deceased Jedi must be like... but what of his life?

"May I ask you a question?" He couldn't stop his curiosity.

"If you like, Padawan Kenobi."

"What would you do?"

There was a long moment of silence. She had not anticipated the question. Finally, the spirit of the Jedi Master spoke.

"There are many things a Jedi learns in life. Love, hate, fear, joy. And we learn to control those emotions. We also learn that life is a gift, only to be taken when there is no other option." Obi-Wan nodded, remembering his early teachings. "You must decide if allowing your life to end is your last option."

Obi-Wan's brow furrowed in thought.

"You have many people in your life who love you more that you know, Padawan Kenobi, although there are also many who have passed into the Force, but only one is sitting beside your body as we speak, wondering if you are going to wake up."

((_Qui-Gon._)) Obi-Wan felt a stab of an emotion he couldn't place.

"Master Qui-Gon Jinn has always been one to keep his feelings inside, Obi-Wan, but he does love you very much."

She hesitated. Obi-Wan turned his head, wishing he could see her face.

"I want to hear your opinion," he probed lightly.

"My opinion," she continued, "is that choosing the easy and painless path would be turning your back on all that your Master has taught you and all that he believes in, Padawan Kenobi. You will have all of eternity to live within the Force."

Obi-Wan was nodding as she spoke. He needed to go back to Qui-Gon. He needed to learn everything the Jedi Master could teach him. He would rather learn from Qui-Gon Jinn than anyone else in the galaxy.

She knew he had reached a decision. "You have a good soul, young one. Whatever happens, my Obi-Wan, do not give up hope," her voice was fading, and Obi-Wan could sense a small amount of sadness, "Know that many people love you, my son... I love you."

"Wait!" Obi-Wan cried out, confusion at her last words flying through his mind. Son?

"Ask quickly," her voice was so faint, "Your soul is returning to your body..."

"M-mother?" the word tasted odd on Obi-Wan's tongue.

With one simple word she confirmed it, and a million questions exploded into his head as he began to feel the pain of the living again.

"But... _wait_!" He could feel himself moving too far away from her.

"We have no more time now, Obi-Wan. You need to get back to your body, or your choice will be gone. Go with my love, my son..."

"Mother," something about the word felt right, "wait..." He had always wondered about his parents. He couldn't loose this chance. He wouldn't!

It was too late. He felt himself spiraling back into his body, and in the blink of an eye all he could feel was pain. Terrible, unbearable pain.

"Nooooooooooooo... please... oh, Force..." The pain was different than he had ever experienced. It was actually _inside_ his head, almost like a headache, only worse. He could feel his Master's presence nearby, and he could suddenly focus.

"Master... hurts Master... please... stop... hurts..." He turned pleading eyes to the older Jedi's face, only to slip back into the painful state he dreaded so much. The pain was overwhelming...

((_Mother..._))

/ _Go to your Master now, Obi-Wan. He can help you._ /

Mentally nodding, the Jedi apprentice reached into the Force and called out will all of his strength for Qui-Gon Jinn.

--------------------

"_Master_! Oh, Force... Master... hurts... please... Master... Master..." Obi-Wan seemed to be willfully reaching out to Qui-Gon..

And then it was over as quickly as it had begun. Kitla slowly lifted her head and looked at Qui-Gon, nodding slightly. Obi-Wan slumped into his Master's arms, exhausted.

"That went better than I expected," Kitla spoke softly, "He may make a full recovery."

Qui-Gon grabbed her arm and squeezed, unable to speak. She smiled. "I'll leave the two of you alone for now."

As she exited, Qui-Gon settled Obi-Wan back onto his bed.

"M-Master?" Obi-Wan's voice was raspy from screaming.

"I'm right here, Padawan. I'm right here." Qui-Gon laid his hand on Obi-Wan's arm.

"I think, Master, that that was worse than my worst nightmare."

Qui-Gon chuckled softly, cherishing the sound of the young Jedi's voice. "Was it, Obi-Wan?"

"Yes." Obi-Wan's eyes opened slowly. He looked deadly serious. "Except I..." he shook his head. He would explain later.

Nodding slightly, Qui-Gon looked his Padawan directly in the eyes.

"I need to say so many things, Obi-Wan. I hope that you will listen to what I have to say and know that I would never lie to you."

"Yes, Master. I am listening." Obi-Wan looked a bit worried. Qui-Gon's heart ached; Obi-Wan was probably wondering if he was going to be reprimanded or given a lesson.

"I owe you an apology, Obi-Wan," his Padawan's eyes widened slightly, "I have taken you for granted, and it took almost loosing you to make me realize what a foolish man I have been. I'm so sorry, Padawan..."

Obi-Wan looked suddenly horrified. "Oh... I...no. Master, you have nothing to apologize for! If anyone should feel bad it should be me. Not you, Master! You are the greatest gift life has ever offered me..." Qui-Gon was shocked at the clarity in the young man's eyes.

"I am sorry, Padawan. I have so much I need to tell you... so much I almost lost the chance to say." Qui-Gon brought his hand up and rubbed his face momentarily.

"Then say it now, Master." Obi-Wan spoke softly, "I am here. I do not want you to be hurting because of me."

Qui-Gon felt tears come to his eyes. Obi-Wan was always trying to make others feel better even if he was in pain himself. His selflessness made Qui-Gon feel inadequate. He vowed to himself that he would learn from Obi-Wan's example.

"I let my pride get the best of me, Obi-Wan," he began, "I did not open myself up to you because I was afraid of the hurt it might cause later. I deprived you of all that you deserve because of my hesitation to open myself up." Obi-Wan looked shocked.

"What you need to know," Qui-Gon continued, "is that you mean more to me than you will ever know... I should have realized that with love comes pain. Without each other they are meaningless. Without love then what is pain? Without pain what is love?"

"Master... I am not deserving of such a – a compliment." insecurity shone in the young Jedi's eyes. Insecurity and the slightest hint of joy.

"You couldn't be more wrong, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon cursed himself, "You deserve so much more than I have ever given you. I see the doubt – the insecurity – in your eyes... and it pains me to know that I have put it there. I have not praised you as I should; I have not given you the love that you have earned and that you deserve..."

"Master..." Obi-Wan tried to speak, but Qui-Gon waved his hand slightly, demanding silence.

"Please, Obi-Wan, Let me finish."

Looking more uncertain now than ever, Obi-Wan nodded.

"I am correct in saying that you feel insecure, am I not?"

The younger Jedi flushed scarlet. He nodded softly, shame written all over his young face. Qui-Gon's heart heaved violently.

"You see? I have placed that feeling in you. I should have said many things, Obi-Wan. But instead I just stood by and let the precious moments tick away." He took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts.

"When you won that sparring tournament with your classmates a few weeks ago, when you aced that test in chemistry that you worked so hard for, when you first successfully completed the fifth level training course... I did not let you feel the immense pride and love that I felt in those moments. I remained cool and aloof... the 'perfect' image of a stoic Jedi. But in reality I have been exactly the opposite. I put my pride first, Obi-Wan, and I promise you now that I will never again be so foolish. You mean more to me than life itself, Padawan. Never again will I allow you to doubt that – or anything else about yourself. I love you so much, my Obi-Wan... I am so very proud of you."

As he finished, he looked into Obi-Wan's eyes to see what his apprentice was thinking. You could tell anything and everything about Obi-Wan from his eyes – he had learned that long ago. Obi-Wan hated that fact, but Qui-Gon was always glad. He could always tell if Obi-Wan was lying.

Obi-Wan's blue/green eyes were full of amazement and shone with tears of joy. Qui-Gon was immensely relieved.

"I... I don't know what to say, Master. I-I... thank you. You... I..." Obi-Wan fought to control his tears. Qui-Gon could feel his Padawan's relief and appreciation through their bond, which, Qui-Gon decided, needed a little strengthening. He would open up completely to Obi-Wan.

"I only wish I had told you sooner, Obi-Wan. I love you as a son. Now I believe there is something I should do..."

Reaching into the part of the Force that was his bond with Obi-Wan, he sent the younger man a bundle of emotions. Everything he felt about Obi-Wan and his achievements. Love, pride, happiness... at the same time, he strengthened the bond, rendering it virtually unbreakable. As he opened his eyes, he saw that Obi-Wan was trying to find words, and failing miserably. Qui-Gon smiled at his Padawan, and all the suffering in the galaxy seemed to fade away as Obi-Wan smiled vibrantly.

"Master... I-I never knew. I never knew what a bond was supposed to... be like, feel like. Incredible," he breathed, feeling happier than he ever had in his entire life. "Thank you, Master." He felt content.

Qui-Gon ruffled the young Jedi's hair affectionately. "Now get some rest... you're going to need it. I love you, Padawan."

"Yes Master," Obi-Wan tried to stifle a yawn, "Love you, too..." He had never been happier to say those words.

He was fast asleep before Qui-Gon could say anything else. The Jedi Master smiled. ((_"Love you, too..."_)) Those words had touched the Jedi Master more than he had ever thought possible. Looking down at his sleeping apprentice, Qui-Gon made a silent promise. He would never shield from this young man again. Never again would he be the cause of Obi-Wan's pain or self-doubt. Eyes shining with unspeakable emotion, he leaned over and touched his forehead to his Padawan's.

"Sleep well, my son... sleep well."

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End Chapter 4.

This was going to be the end, but I've decided to add another chapter. Thank you so much for reading! - Laura


	5. Chapter 5

**With Love Comes Pain **

**Author:** Laura Kenobi

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately for me, I don't own Star Wars. I do, however, own any original characters, planets, etcetera that I created for this story.

**Archive:** Please contact me first!

**Comments/Reviews:** You can email me through my profile, and you can always leave a review!

**Author's Notes:** ((_italics_)) represents thoughts and "/ _italics_ /" represents communication through the Force.

This story was first published in its original version on July 17, 2001. In July 2005, I decided that since four years had passed and my skills as a writer had undoubtedly improved since this story was first written and posted, it might be refreshing to return to this story and give it a fresh look and an update. For the most part the overall story remains the same - my goal has been to improve on and expand on the original, so I hope the result will prove enjoyable to all of you who are wonderful enough to read and review. The version of this story below is the updated version. Call it the "Special Edition" version of this story.

Ginger, you are too sweet! Thank you, my friend!Here's the last chapter!

This chapter is mostly to explain a little about Obi-Wan's mother... I couldn't resist a nice fluffy ending, I guess. The feedback for this story has been astounding – thank you so much! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of your reviews!

**Summary:** When a mission goes dreadfully wrong, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn must deal with the possibility of loosing his Padawan Learner...

**_Chapter Five_**

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Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi returned to their quarters after a sparring session, sweaty and exhausted. Qui-Gon noticed with amusement that his Padawan's hair was spiking in all different directions. He stifled his laughter and patted Obi-Wan on the shoulder.

"I believe, Padawan, that you could use a shower."

Obi-Wan's face contorted in mock-anger.

"Oh? I believe it is _you_, Master, who needs a shower..."

Smiling, both men entered the common room of their quarters and Obi-Wan took a seat on the couch. Qui-Gon looked at him questioningly.

"I'm waiting for you to take a shower, Master." The young man's mirth was barely contained. Qui-Gon chuckled and took a turn for the shower. He had taken barely three steps, however, when his apprentice's serious voice reached his ears.

"Master, did you ever know your mother?"

Qui-Gon was momentarily startled. What had prompted such a question from Obi-Wan? He turned and moved around to sit in a chair opposite his apprentice.

"No, Padawan, I did not." He had never known anything about his family.

Obi-Wan looked wistful.

"Why do you ask, Padawan?" Qui-Gon probed the young man gently, sensing that something had happened to bring Obi-Wan to ask.

Obi-Wan turned thoughtful eyes to his Master's curious face.

"I only met my mother once." Obi-Wan's eyes glazed over momentarily, seemingly in remembrance.

Qui-Gon didn't know what to say. "Padawan, you've never met your mother." Qui-Gon wondered what in he world had made Obi-Wan think he had met Leila. He looked at Obi-Wan for a response.

The younger man smiled. "But I did, Master. She spoke to me while Healer Mooral was healing my mind. She was..." he remembered the words she had spoken, "offering me my choices. She only told me at the end that she was my mother."

Qui-Gon sighed, suddenly lose in memories of his own. How he missed her...

"Master?" Obi-Wan was surprised at the lack of response from the Master.

"Yes, Padawan. I'm just dwelling on past memories. I apologize."

Realization sparked in Obi-Wan's eyes.

"Did _you_ know my mother?" Hope burned deep in his blue/green eyes. Qui-Gon smiled.

"Yes, young one, I did."

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to, Qui-Gon suspected, ask a question, but his words ended up jumbling together and all that came out was a groan of frustration.

"She was a wonderful friend, Obi-Wan. You remind me of her, although you have your father's features." He grinned at Obi-Wan's unblinking eyes. "She and I were the best of friends, though she was older than I. We went on many missions together; that's how she met your father."

Qui-Gon remembered the secret wedding. He had been the only guest. He had never known if anyone knew, even now.

"Your father died a few months before you were born, and I think being pregnant was the only thing that kept your mother's spirits up. I remember when you were born, Padawan... she was happier than I had ever seen her. She couldn't stop talking about how she had the most beautiful son in the galaxy..."

"What happened to her?" Obi-Wan breathed, completely enraptured in the story, "How did she die?"

Qui-Gon lowered his eyes momentarily, and when he spoke his voice was laced with sorrow.

"The strain of giving birth... three days after you were born she developed complications and..."

Qui-Gon felt strange telling Obi-Wan this, but it was his right to know, was it not?

"It was my fault." the irrational words escaped from the sixteen-year-old's lips before he could stop them. Grief and guilt swept through him, clouding his thoughts.

Qui-Gon leapt to his feet and seized his Padawan's chin in his left hand, a more violent action than he intended. Obi-Wan flinched and looked up at the tall Master in surprise.

"No, my Padawan, it was _not_ your fault. You were a child born from love, and born to a loving mother! Leila _never_ blamed you, so do _not _blame yourself. You were a newborn, Padawan, a _baby_. How could you have done anything? Don't _ever_ think that way, Obi-Wan Ke…"

Suddenly, Qui-Gon realized that Obi-Wan's eyes were as big as giant marbles, and that the younger man was trembling slightly under his Master's hand. He quickly pulled his hand away and closed his mouth. Obi-Wan looked shocked.

"Padawan..." the tall Jedi was at a loss for words.

"No apology, Master. I'm just sorry I upset you so much..."

Qui-Gon sighed. "So that look of utter terror you just had on your face had nothing to do with me startling you?"

Obi-Wan looked uncomfortable. "Well... you did startle me."

Taking Qui-Gon by surprise, the apprentice suddenly threw his arms around his mentor and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you, Master."

"For what, Padawan?" Qui-Gon couldn't imagine what he had done to deserve such affection.

"You're the only father figure I have ever known. I understand it must be hard for you to look at me and think of my mother, but you never stop. You're always there when I need you... I think she must be very pleased."

Qui-Gon's heart melted with those words, and pride for Obi-Wan filled his soul. ((_Oh, Obi-Wan..._)) He had never heard such perfect words.

He could not say anything, so he just sent Obi-Wan feelings of thanks and love through their bond. His apprentice returned the feelings in a flurry of happiness.

"But Master... there is one thing..." Obi-Wan's eyes were now twinkling as he pulled out of the embrace.

Qui-Gon looked up into his Padawan's happy eyes.

"You really should learn to take my advice and take a _shower_!"

"Padawan!" Qui-Gon grabbed his towel off the side of the chair and whipped it half-heartedly at the nearly hysterical young man.

"Well then, when Master Yoda arrives for dinner you can explain to him why you are not showered. He should be here in," Qui-Gon glanced at the digital readout on the wall, "about twenty minutes..."

"_Master!_" Obi-Wan shrieked through his laughter. He quickly grabbed the towel from Qui-Gon and made a dash for the shower as Qui-Gon did not try to contain his amusement...

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The End!

I just had to end this on a happy note... I couldn't help it! A million thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing! It always brings a smile to my face, and makes me want to write more! Thank you so much!

- Laura


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